Hello, well how should i start.
Here goes.
I've been studying at home(alone) for these few days. With the exception of yesterday of course, a day spent out shopping with the hockey guys, but the details, another time. All's quiet at home with nobody around, but nonetheless, productivity's rather low. There have been distractions. Don't get me wrong, i don't mean the computer, the television, etc. It's my own mind.
Periods of long hours spent cooped up at home have been thought-provoking. My mind tends to wander off as i stare and try to absorb the stuff on my notes. And i continue to digress in my own world of thoughts until i catch sight of my notes and remember what i was doing. The most subtle, yet time-consuming act, daydreaming.
But, dreams aren't exactly what i think of. I haven't been in the best of moods lately, and yes, i feel sort of emotional, for a first. I prefer not to use word 'emo'. It's gradually becoming enormously overused for all the wrong situations, and a common alternative to the word 'sad'.
I can't remember the last time when i was truly, genuinely, happy. It's been a long time.
I've always wanted someone to talk to, someone you can bare everything to, especially in times like these. But i've realised, i'm not that kind of person. For me, baring heart and soul to another is no mean feat. I keep telling others to let out their problems, their frustrations, their struggles, to feel better. I, however, am unable to. Sometimes, i prefer certain thoughts to be left as they are, unsaid.
Whatever's left bothering me, i express in a different way - music, my piano. It might seem weird for a guy to have an inanimate string instrument as a soulmate. But my piano's been great. I let everything out on those black and white keys. When i'm sad, depressed, i play softly and gently. When i'm angry i'll play my pieces with force, sometimes waking my parents in the process. Sure, it isn't some piano from Steinway & Sons, but i like my piano. I'm used to the muffled tunes, along with the unusually hard keys. But after i play, i feel much better.
8 years. That's how long i've been playing the piano. There have been ups and downs, even an occasion where i almost stopped learning piano altogether. But i didn't regret it one bit. Recently, it has helped me, alot.
Hopefully, my thoughts won't continue to stray as much. 10 days left to the CTs. I must make every day worth it. Alright, back to my notes. Goodbye.
